I am a 33 year old female. At different times, throughout my life, I have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, Rapid- Cycling Bipolar, ADHD, and possibly OCD and Narcolepsy. The problem is that I never stick with any of the mental health providers or treatments that may or may not have helped me but, instead, have developed a methamphetamine addiction. I feel that it truly helps me. It calms me down, helps me think more clearly, allows me to focus, improves my self- image, and even seems to help me see through some of the symptoms of my mental illness.
I don't use like other addicts who want to get high and act like it. I just use enough to make me ok. Through my controlled use I had gotten my associates degree, a great job, and things were really going ok.
Then, I was found out and had to stop using. I turned to alcohol which is one of the worst things I could have ever done. I lost custody of my kids, due to my drinking. I tried to stop drinking and took the prescriptions my doctor wanted me to, but they just made the "roller-coaster" worse and, for the first time since I was a kid, felt suicidal. So I stopped taking them. I ended up getting a different job and moved to an area where meth was readily available. I began using again and I began to resemble a productive member of society.
Then the cops did a no-knock search of my appartment. My boyfriend, also a meth user, was an obvious tweaker and now I've lost everything and am facing charges as well. I just don't understand why the only thing I have found to make me better is the one thing I can't have.
Is there some legal medication resembling methamphetamine, in the way it affects my brain at least, that could be prescribed, so that I can be ok?
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